Now there's too many juice on our ref. if anyone can give me a good reason why drinking juice is good, well let me hear about it.

Im bored, and not doing anything.
its just that, i want to do EVERYTHING at the same time i end up not finishing any.

why is it soo hard to move and complete things, when something irrelevant is missing.
i must have this psychotic thing going in my head like being territorial on stuffs, or wtever/

1)i cannot SKETCH because its bothering me now that my colors have gone with Ondoy.

2)i cannot finish any sketch (that i tried regarding the number 1)because i wouldve wanted to use color pencils first (since theyre always easier to hide and they look artistically-sketchy. VERY PRETTY.)

3)i cannot finish painting my shoes because i hate the idea that ive lost my one thousand worth of textile paint.

4)i cannot think of anything worth painting/drawing.


i can feel the artist in me drifting away. pleading, begging "no, dont let me go aiwa. not just yet."

i felt darned with my bumness, more that i cannot do anything about it.
and it goes perfectly with my crushed ego for the call center rejection [meanie :c]

i cannot look at my "to dos" and "short-time goals" on my planner, now that i dont think i could ever finish one with this state.

im wanting things, and its very frustrating that i cannot get it. now that "working: earning on your own" gave me the attitude that i could get things if i earn for it. now, I CAN'T.

this mental state and my 52nd day of unemployment is slowly driving me crazy.


so for today my goal would be:

1 COMPLETE SOMETHING (or atleast half of it)
2 Drink all the juice on our ref and swear it would be last
(try living for 65 days with juice, then just stop doing so. it feels the same with not smoking after living on smoke)


start: now.


P.s: today is mi and moi beau's monthsary. we're 2miles and 75kms apart; he's too busy at work, im too busy with nothing and everything felt soooo unpleasantly unspecial.



*sigh*